Why hello there strangers! I would like to take a moment to apologize for falling off the face of the earth for a few weeks. Spring is rolling in fast and with it the evil of pollen has been giving me quiet the beating. My asthma has flared horribly causing me to have to have nebulizer treatments and heavy steroids. Not only are the steroids unpleasant by themselves but they always come with extra weight and enhanced hunger and food cravings.
I have sadly gotten slack in stepping on the scale like I am supposed to. And I am finding out that the longer you put it off the easier it is to keep putting it off and the harder it becomes to make that step up on to the scale. By the time that I stepped up on it this morning it felt more like I was trying to step over a mountain then take a baby little step up on to a scale.
Step up I did though, and I am desperately trying to encourage myself with the fact that at least I am not ignoring the issue. I am trying to remind myself that I am almost done with the steroids and that the weight gain from taking them is just an unfortunate side effect of the medication that is helping me to breathe better.
That being said, I have gained 4.6 pounds in the last 2 weeks. That by far is not a happy number. To say I am feeling a tad on the dejected side right now would be a bit of an understatement. But at least I know that the worst is almost over pollen wise and I can recognize that I got that weight off once I can get it off again. Maybe I needed this bit of wake up call to get my but back into gear.
So how have you been in my absence? Is anybody else getting kicked in the butt royally by this horrid pollen? If so, stay strong dear readers! We can fight it together!
Body image issues. I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t struggled with them at least once in their life. For most, it is a chronic poison that seeps into our every thought and action. Why is it that we ladies find it so easy to forget the beauty in the form that God gave us?
We are so surrounded by poisonous images that we have almost become numb to their effects. I love the Dove commercial because in a few quick seconds it brings to light how twisted our culture is. The images we are surrounded by have been edited to the point that most of the time the images we see can get so extreme that the images aren’t even possible in a healthy body.
To make matters worse, the plague of body image issues and warped senses of reality is getting younger and younger. This past week I was working with the 3rd grade girls that I disciple, and it was uncovered that even they have issues with their bodies. Third grade! It breaks my heart.
But those who are surrounded by the eyes of girls beware! It is not just the media that infect our girls. Those young minds look up to you and see you as their example of beauty. They watch us stare into the mirror and find faults with ourselves. They watch us beat ourselves up and convince ourselves we are fat. They take that and reflect that back on themselves.
Another danger for them is our diets. Impressionable minds make it even more important to not only eat right but to eat right for the right reasons. In losing weight it is so easy to slip into the weight game. But let me tell you, focusing on the pounds and the dress sizes gets dangerous. If you focus on only on where you need to go next and not the achievement in how far you have come so far, you will lose sight of the positive and it will eat you alive.
Before I could successfully go on this diet I had to stop and find the beauty in my body the way it was. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was beautiful the way God made me no matter the size that I am. And while I may be enjoying the fact that I am slimming down, by no means is that my focus for what I am doing.
I have been asked so many times what I am doing different. My response, I am not on a diet. I made a lifestyle change to help control the symptoms of my hiatal hernia and my thyroid issues. The weight loss is just a pleasant side effect of the change. The difference is I am focusing on my health. I want to get healthy. I want to put a stop to the nausea and other symptoms that have been making my life unlivable. I am not losing weight to improve my image. I am beautiful the way I am now.
When I forget that I turn back to the bible, and I remember what I am always telling my girls, “You are a creation of God. The bible tells us that God sees all of his creations as beautiful. God never makes mistakes, so who are we to argue against God?”
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven inthe depths of the earth.”
Palms 139:14-15
“So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.”
Genesis 1:27
For those out there who struggle for one reason or another with the beauty in themselves, I send out a reminder. You are not alone. And for those trying to lose weight, whatever you do, don’t go on a diet. Diets are temporary. Eventually you will go off of it and go back to the habits that caused you to gain the weight in the first place and before you know it you will be back at the starting point. So I challenge you, don’t diet, change your lifestyle! Step up and make a permanent change. And WHATEVER you do, don’t lose weight for the sake of getting skinny or looking better. Lose weight for your health, not beauty because you are beautiful just the way you are!
For those that are fortunate enough to be unaware of what Provera is, let me explain. Provera is a drug that is derived from the female hormone Progesterone. Female hormone imbalance, abnormal uterus bleeding, and contraception are some of the many reasons a doctor might prescribe it to you. In my case however, it is being used to force start my period. You see, with all of my health issues lately, we have been having a hard time regulating my periods. Apparently, it is unhealthy to go more then 3-4 months without a period. Thus if I hit the magic number of months without a period and I am not pregnant I have to go on Provera.
Let me tell you ladies, if you think Aunt Flo is cranky on a monthly basis, you haven’t seen anything yet. I think the following skit from SNL describes it best.
I go on this rant about Provera now because unfortunately, it was recently that magical time where I must allow Provera to drag dear Aunt Flo’s royally pissed off butt back over to do her job. So I got the added delight of battling the extra weight Provera can pack on along with the mother of all periods. Did I mention that a few of the side effects of Provera are Acne, Breast swelling and tenderness, & water retention? Think PMS on steroids. Oh lucky me!
And for all those out there who get to join in my fun; you have my utmost sympathy!
Just when I felt like I was settling in to the routine of the new diet, I get a phone call from my Gastroenterologist’s office telling me that my nutritionist has just informed them that she is retiring as of November 1st! I would like to sit here and tell you that my reaction to this news was a wonderful example of a pure hearted Christian woman. I would like to tell you that, but then I would be lying.
No, sadly the only thing I can be grateful for was that I wasn’t able to answer the phone while I was on the job as the nanny. Because my instantaneous gut reaction was to scream out in such a way that would make any foul mouthed temper-tantrum throwing 2 year old proud.
I spent the day sulking and then decided to buck up and put my big girl panties on and handle this like the adult I am. Just because she decided to up and quit doesn’t mean I have to. I still have the plan she put me on, and I have a few contacts in the area to call. This is certainly fixable.
I have leapt over barriers larger than this; I can make it through this small hoop. It’s just another step in the process. My strong stubborn side has come out to play and I WILL when this battle. There is no more “if” I can lose the weight, just a matter of “WHEN”.
And for those of you out there fighting your own battles alongside me remember this: with God at your side and determination in your heart anything is possible. Don’t let these stupid road blocks get in your way.
*Update: In the days since I first wrote this post I have since been in contact with both my nutritionist as well as my doctor’s office. My doctor’s office is working on getting a new nutritionist in the practice and will be calling me when they get one. My nutritionist has informed me that she plans on keeping in touch through email. It looks like I may have slipped to the woe is me mentality a little too quickly. Hey…We all have our moments.
The Graceful Skinny 